Babies

On March 22, I had a hysterectomy-at first I was quiet excited and thought I was ready. BUT TONIGHT-

as I lay with my lil guy tonight reading him an awesome kid's book- named

"If Animals Kiss Goodnight Like We Kiss Goodnight."

It hit me-never again will I feel a little flutter in my tummy. I will never hear the heartbeat over the ultrasound. I will never teach another little one to speak, walk, or rock one to sleep signing the same lullaby over and over.

Now don't get me wrong I had a tubal when my son was born but sometimes even those aren't real reliable. And it's not that I want any more babies. I have the best of both worlds a little girl and a little man-and I love them more than anything.

I guess its just knowing that part of my life is completely over.

Im am 28- many women my age are just either having their second or third but I sit back and think- now what am I suppose to do?

It brought a lump to my throat as I finished the book-looked at my guy passed snuggled in my arms-Im not sure if he even finished the book. I tried hard to swallow it back and just be thankful for the 2 healthy happy ones I have.

Kathy will be turning 10 soon soo I'm about to have my hands super full. She is so full of life and dreams and hilarious and just thinks that she is queen bee. Shawn is quiet for the most part-an observer in many situations. So I have the best of both worlds.

SO here's to the future- I say bring it on- I think Im ready for the next chapter in this job.

I will miss those first years and the excitement of a little one on the way but now I have to look forward to is school plays, football games, and long talks and laughs that will hurt.

Hollar back soon- Much love,

The Parkers

Hobbies

I love to write as many people know. Writing is a cleansing for me and it is a way to just look at life in a new light and a new perspective.

There is a part of me that would love to see this hobby become more than a hobby. I have been working on a children's book series about a raccoon raised by squirrels. I know I know- seriously raccoons and squirrels. But I love these animals but Im sure many of you are surprised it does not have anything to do with cats or kittens or the feline breed. Hmm that is in the works lol.

I have also just been doing some free writing and some thought provoking writing that is dealing with life decisions as they come and go.

It has been quiet hard for me to keep up with this blog here- at times I forget that I have it. At times, I get so caught up in what is really going on and forget that I have this to write on.

As a mom I just forget everything all together if it does not pertain to the worlds of a 5 year old boy and a 9 year old girl.

As Kat enters in a different stage in her life she is full of intriguing questions and some I would realy like to ignore and just say "go play with the dog and be a kid." But in a world where everything is so in their faces and the information out there anywhere for them to find I cannot always choose the "go be a kid and go play' route.

Shawn is a breath of fresh air at times because he is still so young that he is not thinking on the issues as Kat does. I love that he is so young and innocent in his thinking and find my conversations with him quiet refreshing and fun. The problems are easy to solve most of the time. And at times, Im slapped in the face with our conversations and find the solutions to my own issues in his world.

Bryan and I are at a different place right now and hopefully will one day look back on everything and say "wow-glad that is over." Just unsure about that right now. Just remember for every action is a reaction. And although that reaction may no be what is best- it is the way a person chose to react whether it be out of anger, pain, confusion or bitterness or just out of spite.

Another thing that is happening is SPRING! I love this time a year and then follows my all time favorite time- SUMMER!

I am missing Spring in East Texas though- the smells, the rain, the fireflies, the green grass. Pastures of rolling green and baby horses and calves running and playing.

We are slowly adjusting to where we live now and I am learning my way around the area quiet well although I do get lost I try to not get frustrated and just laugh and embrace it knowing that sooner or later- I will find my way back to where I need to be and head home out of frustration because I didn't find where I am suppose to be so I shall try again another day.

ANYWAYS-that is all for now-hollar back when I can!

Much love and light to you all!

The Parkers