On March 22, I had a hysterectomy-at first I was quiet excited and thought I was ready. BUT TONIGHT-as I lay with my lil guy tonight reading him an awesome kid's book- named
"If Animals Kiss Goodnight Like We Kiss Goodnight."
It hit me-never again will I feel a little flutter in my tummy. I will never hear the heartbeat over the ultrasound. I will never teach another little one to speak, walk, or rock one to sleep signing the same lullaby over and over.
Now don't get me wrong I had a tubal when my son was born but sometimes even those aren't real reliable. And it's not that I want any more babies. I have the best of both worlds a little girl and a little man-and I love them more than anything.
I guess its just knowing that part of my life is completely over.
Im am 28- many women my age are just either having their second or third but I sit back and think- now what am I suppose to do?
It brought a lump to my throat as I finished the book-looked at my guy passed snuggled in my arms-Im not sure if he even finished the book. I tried hard to swallow it back and just be thankful for the 2 healthy happy ones I have.
Kathy will be turning 10 soon soo I'm about to have my hands super full. She is so full of life and dreams and hilarious and just thinks that she is queen bee. Shawn is quiet for the most part-an observer in many situations. So I have the best of both worlds.
SO here's to the future- I say bring it on- I think Im ready for the next chapter in this job.
I will miss those first years and the excitement of a little one on the way but now I have to look forward to is school plays, football games, and long talks and laughs that will hurt.
Hollar back soon- Much love,