Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Flashbacks are scary-but try FLASHFORWARD

It is neat to see how fast things change. But from this side-it is scary. When you get to be past 25, things look different-or they do to me. I have loved reading all of the flashbacks you have posted.
But take a different look-what do you see in 5 minutes, 5 months, 5 years, 10 years.
I know for me if I could I would keep my children safe and in my house and in my arms for the rest of my life because the world is so harsh and cruel.
In 5 minutes I will probably decide to actually get dressed and run errands. I do not want to but I have to. In 5 months, we will begin the birthdays-Bryan is March, Shawn in April, and Kathy in June. So we will be planning parties and enjoying hopefully much warmer weather and spring will be here. In 5 years- I will hopefully be doing my counseling thing, writing several chidlren's books on dealing with several topics that children will face. Hopefully one child can read my book and know that the mistakes I made can be prevented and the key to that prevention is in her hand now she just has to use it. Kathy will be 12 years old. She will be strongwilled, independednt and think she knows it all. Shawn will be 8 years old and way psat the time of rocking and fun afternoons playing all day. He will be curious but too old to kiss me goodnight or goodbye.
Bryan and I will have been married for 13 years. WOW! That is mind-blowing.
But in 10 years-I hope to have my own crisis center for Children only. I want to have an unbelievable relationship with my children. Kathy will be 17-and I will be there the entire time holding her hand and making sure she understands that there are consequences. I will catch her if she falls but she will have to learn to pick herself up. She will be getting ready to leave me and embarq on a journey that I will not be a part of daily. She will be busy running around and stirring up trouble. Shawn-my little man-he will be 13. I will become dorky mom again, and he will discover that there are tons of princesses out there trying to steal him from me. And I will have to sit back and watch him and let his daddy take over the man teaching.
Bryan and I will have been married 18 years. Who knows what that can do to a marriage. But what I hope is that we are best friends and cannot go to bed without saying good night and a kiss. I hope we are more patient with one another, and understanding. I hope that we are more sympathetic to one another's needs. I hope we are still walking around holding hands and showing our children that marriage is great and fun and is forever. There is no out except death and not by murder either lol. I hope to show them how wonderful it is to always have your friend right there.

Go ahead try to picture it-it will scare you more and you will want to go have a flashback and press pause.

Hollar later

Monday, November 24, 2008


WOW- it has been a very fast paced couple of weeks.
Let me say since the last time I posted it has been busy. I went to the doctor and discovered I lost 9 more pounds. I am really feeling it and it is really getting harder to lose. But I am working and giving it my all. Gosh I have almost lost 28 pounds total in a little less than 3 months.
Next, we have almost ripped all carpet out of our home. I hate carpet. We have redone the living room, hallway, one bathroom and refloored Kathy's bedroom also. Now remember I am ADD-I never finish a project before beginning a new one. SO it's been crazy. But it is finanlly coming together.

Now these are just a few for now, and as I said the rooms are not done but coming along rather nicely I think.
Then there are the holidays, I am looking forward to some time just hanging out with my kids and breathing. But of course I will still be doing my school work-which I am just almost to the point of thinking I was nuts for doing this. But I know in the end it will be worth it-but still-I am tired.
Shawn is lovely and growing everyday. The things he says really just blow my mind. He has this new thing when he gets into a story ever like 3rd or 4th word is "Oh and". I just love it. Kathy is all drama-love listening to her talk. She sounds like she has life all figured out-oh to be 7 again. She brought home her report card on Friday-she has brought up every grade at least 5 points. I am so proud of her and how hard she is working. She is so smart, it just is a little harder for her than for others.
Today I went back into work. It was my first time in a professional setting in like 2 and half years. I felt so out of place. I substitute taught 4th graders today. WOW-I haven't been around kids like that age since we left Foster's Home. It made me realize just how much I miss my kids and wonder about them and pray that they are safe out there in that big scary world. I pray that they are using what they were taught, and that they listened to what I said and learned from my mistakes. I pray that they are making good of their mess and making it their own message.
Ok we also had the kids tumbling competition this past weekend. Momma came down and gave me the best picture and clock for our home. I love it and it looks great. The kids did fantastic this weekend.
Shawn competed for the first time and brought home two silver medals! He was so cute and little. Kathy finally landed that First Place Gold in floor. She landed her cartwheel and everything looked fantatstic. She was so ecstatic-pictures of that next time. Mom and I did some christmas shopping. I really am going very simple this year with my kids. It is not about money and presents and all that. Sure it is nice, but come on-I also found the toys that I cannot wait to give my precious nephews. Mom and I had a great visit. I wish she could have stayed longer.
It was a great weekend. Now Shawn is gone and we will see him again on Wednesday. He went with my mom to Bryan's dads. My mother bought Shawn popcorn to eat for a snack on the way home. Shawn told her "Nana-Im not suppose to eat in your truck. If my momma asks if I ate in your truck, I not gonna say a word." My mom said " I think that is a good idea."
That little stinker. He really is a good kid-just curious. He just has to know how things work.
Well other than that I had a small accident last week while working out. I was doing the laterall pull and asked a friend to add more weight to it and to hand me the bar when she was done. She agreed and when she went to remove the pin-the bar fell from the pulley and hit me on the front part of my head. It knocked me out for a minute. I had a small-slight concussion from it. I do feel better now but it was rough.
Well that is all for now, keep you posted-hollar next time and

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Next Appointment

Ok so I am now down to 206.
I feel so frustrated. I have my next appointment this Friday and I have lost some but I am so close to one of my goals I am trying to push myself to lose those 6 pounds by Friday-any fast weightloss ideas let me have em!
The past like 2weeks have been the hardest for me. I do not like this weather change and time change. Usually I look forward to this time change but for some reason it is not the same as in the past.
The halloween candy has got to go. The bite size 3 musketeers, snickers, and twix bars are the culprits and I am not happy about it. I also went out with some friends and we all decided we were going to have something against our diet that night-well I shared the molten lava chocolate ice cream thing from chillis with everyone. That was big trouble. I have not had chocolate in forever and it was ooh soo good.
I did work out double the night before and since then.
I tried on this shirt-kind of the shirt I am gaging my weight loss in-I bought it in August. I said I will wear this in like 4 months. It is a juniors extra large. Today I put it on-it was the very first time I could actually wear it and be comfortable in it. I still feel I need more room in the front but the arms and the chest and sides it fits great. Just this dang tummy.
Here is a picture of me in it.

Well I have to get back to life and have a list a mile long so hollar later.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


Ok well I have to say that life really is interesting.
I have recieved several complaints considering my last post so let me see if I can clear up the confusion.

First of all-I am a Christian and I am a strong believer in the bible and what it says. I do not make my own interpreations-I read it then follow it to the very best of my ability. Yes I fail and yes I mess up. I am sorry. But I do ask for forgiveness and try try again.
Second-this country was built on the values and morals of Christianity. And if you choose to be aitheistic then that is fine-go ahead but leave the ones alone that believe in God and believe that certain things are just wrong.
Third-I do not pass judgement. I love all people-I just hate the sin. Yes some of God's creations are better off stufted but it is not my place to judge just state how I feel and where that feeling stems from.
I think I have the right to state my opinion just as everyone else in the world. I am not saying I am better than no one and I have never believed that I am better than anyone. And I never will.
But if those who disagree with where I stand on issues are hurt I am sorry but I do not let your views cause me pain and hurt me. It is opinion.
Sorry about the offense but I do feel the way I feel and I will let you feel what you feel.
I'm tired of having your views shoved down my throat but hardly ever say anything about it because I cannot change the way one feels. So I agree to disagree and let it be.

Hollar Amber

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Picking the RIGHT leader!

Today I have spent my time with Shawn and silently praying and thinking about our country that we live in.
I look at how proud we should be of it and how we really have never had it hard like some countries.
Then I think of those who have died for our freedom and wonder what they would think of today as everyone is electing a new leader. This election is by far the scariest one I have seen.
One reason is because it is no longer just about the issues of money, healthcare, abortion and things like that.
It is about soo much more like race, sexism, age prejudice, not being a Christian, not being an American, having ties with the religion that killed so many of our own innocent people not long ago.
I am proud that America has come so far as to even let a man that is not white to even think of running. I am proud that it is allowing a woman on the ballot and giving her a chance to show that we are being given a chance.
I am not proud that we are turning our backs on our values that this country was built on. How can we even think about letting a person into our office to lead us that does not have a clue about what the Bible says. He was raised in a religion that hates and is raised to kill those who do not believe the way they do. We have seen people killed for the religion that he was raised in. Ok so he claims he is not at all that way-whatever! The man has friends that have claimed to be ashamed of being in this country. Our fallen soldiers are crying today that we as a country would stand for that.
No I am not saying that everything John McCain has said is wonderful either but at least I know he has always been proud of America and was not raised to hate America and it's values. I know that this race has not been about issues. I say he went to war for us, he knows what being American is worth and will defend that even to the death-he proved that by surviving what he has.
It has been about black vs white. Man vs woman. Old vs young.
Ok here is what I do know-any person running should always be proud of this country no matter what. Any person running should have at least been inlisted and knows what it's like to sacrifice your life for the country. Any person running should rise above and not do personal attacks. Any person running needs to take a look back-and go back to what this country was built on-The Bible.
I am tired of hearing the talk: He is too old. He is unqualified. She is stupid. She can't do the job because it will neglect the handicapped child in her life. If anything that child will get the best care it will ever have and it could start shedding light one what mental retardation and downsyndrome is.
Pray that the right man who is elected will first pray to God and let God have control over the country again. And not try to take him off money, pledge of allegiance. Pray that we become a country that once again looks down on abortion, divorce, homosexuality and allows us control over our homes and children.
Ok I'm done ranting and I am sorry but I do not hate either canidate and do not mean to offend anyone but it is my freedom of speech. I just hope that I still have that tonight.

Hollar later!